The baby stage is totally not my jam. Yup. I said it. And I’ve pretty much always known this about myself.
Well it’s no secret that I just recently had a baby. And before you try to take him away from me, just hear me out. I am a person that thrives on plans, routines, and consistency. My mom and sister even used to laugh at the fact that my two year old would constantly ask me what the plan was for the day. Because that’s how we roll in our house… we have plans. We know them. We abide by them.
Welp.. if you know anything about babies, they are pretty much the opposite of plans, routines, and consistency. Especially at the beginning of their little lives. They may decide to eat every three hours or they may just randomly decide that they are actually hungry only an hour and a half later. A nap? Could last forever laying sweetly in a swing or he could decide to only sleep in your arms while standing and swaying with one foot in the air. And guess what? You NEVER know which is going to happen when. Because clearly babies can’t talk. These things are the epitome of unpredictable. And YES… there are a million books and blogs that teach you how to sleep train, how to decipher the 8 different cries, how to put your baby on a schedule, how to transition your baby from this to that, on and on and on. But at the end of the day, each one will usually say something like ‘But each baby is different so do what’s best for your baby and you as a parent!’ Gee, thanks. There goes having a special formula that is going to get me back to being that somewhat sane person that used to actually sleep. It all can leave this planning mama stressed out, exhausted, and exasperated.
Every New Years, I am one of those people that picks out a word to be a sort of theme for my upcoming year. I was convinced this year that it should be patience. Makes sense, right? I had just had a baby and I already have a 4 year old… surely that combination resulted in me needing a big ol’ dose of patience. Well in the middle of the night while feeding that sweet little baby, I kept hearing JESUS.. that JESUS is my word, not patience. It is way too easy for me to become consumed in this season of trying to figure my sweet little baby out. All of my thoughts become all about trying to think through why this tiny human does the things he does. I become hyper-focused on his sleeping, his schedule, if I’m doing all of the right things, and it’s just a downward spiral from there. And before you know it, I’ve totally lost sight of the One who created this precious little baby and decided that I should be his mother. So right in the middle of the night when the thoughts tend to run the most crazy, God chose to remind me of exactly that.
I was confessing all of this to a group of girls the other week so I asked them for accountability. I want to set my eyes on JESUS instead of relying on myself to do all the things or become obsessed with looking things up. One of the girls said ‘God over Google’ and now that’s pretty much on repeat in my brain. When my baby randomly wakes up at an odd time, will I turn to the Lord or will I google to try to figure out why? Anytime my baby does anything that’s not according to some plan, will I choose to focus on God or will I choose to fall down the rabbit hole that google allows? I am choosing God. Now don’t hear me saying that it’s sinful to be knowledgeable on all things baby or that it’s wrong wanting to use any tools or resources that are available out there. I just know that my heart and mind are easily swayed to believe that I should figure things out all on my own. Which is not what God desires for my life.
So to all the other mamas stressed out and trying to figure it all out (whether it is sleep training, common core math homework or teenage drama), let’s all just remember that the God of the universe designed our children. He knows them far greater than we ever will so our first call for help should always be to Him.
God, grant me the wisdom to parent my boys well.
Remind me daily that you chose ME as their mom.
Thank you for your grace as I make a million mistakes.
And most of all Lord, let me remember that my biggest call in motherhood is pointing them to YOU.